“It’s better to be hated for who you are than be loved for who you’re not.” - Kurt Cobain
SexyHusband, the kids, and I are all about to take a vacation to California. As you can imagine, traveling with three children under five necessitates a huge amount of planning and logistics, packing, buying, sorting, arranging, cleaning, and working. That explains (somewhat) my silence here. There’s likely to be more of that (silence) as time goes on, since I am way, way, wayyyyyy behind in where I need to be at this point, and blogging just really isn’t in the cards. So please don’t fret over my absence; I’ll post when I can, but things are likely to be pretty lean for awhile.
Meanwhile, anybody want to intern as an unpaid secretary? I could use some major help.
Harvey nailed me*! And it was goooooooood.
Immediately following there is a list of 20 different occupations. You must select at least 5 of them (feel free to select more). You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select 5 of the items as it was passed to you). Each one begins with “If I could be…” Of the 5 you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession.
For example, if the selected occupation was “linguist,” you might take the phrase “If I could be a linguist…I would learn Hebrew, Greek, Russian, Italian and Chinese.” See how easy that is? Here’s the list:
If I could be a scientist…
If I could be a farmer…
If I could be a musician…
If I could be a doctor…
If I could be a painter…
If I could be a gardener…
If I could be a missionary…
If I could be a chef…
If I could be an architect…
If I could be a linguist…
If I could be a psychologist…
If I could be a librarian…
If I could be an athlete…
If I could be a lawyer…
If I could be an innkeeper…
If I could be a professor…
If I could be a writer…
If I could be a llama-rider…
If I could be a bonnie pirate…
If I could be an astronaut…
I’m not as good as Harv at coming up with funnies for ALL of these, so… without further ado, my offerings:
If I could be a scientist…
If I could be a farmer… I’d shoot myself in the head. Farming sucks.
If I could be a musician…
If I could be a doctor…
If I could be a painter…
If I could be a gardener…
If I could be a missionary… I’d minister to the carnal needs of heathens everywhere. Mmmmm, heathens!
If I could be a chef…
If I could be an architect… I’d build that cult compound that Mike and I keep talking about, and I’d wear priestess robes with nothing underneath, and have lots of wild monkey sex.
If I could be a linguist…
If I could be a psychologist…
If I could be a librarian…
If I could be an athlete…
If I could be a lawyer… I’d sue the pants off of whiny, liberal,
Wal-Mart obstructionists. Then cackle in glee as they all fled into the
store to buy new pants.
If I could be an innkeeper…
If I could be a professor…
If I could be a writer… I’d live in underpaid squalor for the duration
of my life, only experiencing commercial and critical acclaim after I’m
dead and my ungrateful children can reap the benefits.
If I could be a llama-rider…
If I could be a bonnie pirate…
If I could be an astronaut…
And now I get to pick three more people to pass this along to. Hmmmm, let’s try…
Liberal Larry - cuz really, the man can’t write a word without being funny.
Ulrika - cuz she and I haven’t spent NEAR enough time gabbing online lately.
Subliminal KoolAid - cuz I can only GUESS what he’ll put down for “bonnie-pirate.”
* Oh, yeah, RIGHT, like I was gonna let THAT one go by!
I know, I know… it’s taken me wayyyy too long to wrap this game up, but I finally have my LAST interview from the Interview Game! This time it’s one of my best friends, former co-blogger, and future cult co-founder Mike of Eat the Lettuce.
1. How bad do you want me?
2. No, really. How bad?
3. Where shall we run off to for wild, monkey sex? Shall I bring anything along? Strawberries? Whipped cream? Handcuffs? This?
4. Shall there be pictures?
5. If so, how much shall we charge?
Now just post your answers to your blog, and I’ll update this post with a kink - errr…. I mean, link to it. Don’t forget to post the rules, and solicit five other people to be interviewed. Thanks for playing!
Update: Mike answers! And you DAMN WELL BETTER tell me about it afterwards!! If I can’t be a whore, I need to at least be a voyeur! After all, a girl’s got her pride…
The other night I had dinner with a good friend. She and her husband are both substitute teachers at our town’s little school. She told me about the school’s Zero Tolerance Policy toward guns. I had seen the “Gun Free Zone” sign at the front door of the school, and of course it’s illegal to carry a gun onto school property, but the ZTP went way, way further than that.
Children are not permitted to bring toy guns to school. If they were realistic-looking ones, I could see this, but even neon-orange plastic squirt guns are forbidden.
Children are not allowed to “play guns” with their fingers.
Children are not allowed to draw a gun, even as part of a picture of, say, a police officer.
Are we not carrying this just a BIT too far? I mean, are they permitted to say the word “gun?” In history classes, are they taught about warfare? If so, do teachers have to white-out all of the guns from paintings and pictures of battles?
When I asked my friend, incredulously, “You mean, they can’t even draw a PICTURE of a gun? Isn’t that a little extreme?” she said straight-faced, “Well, they have to, because of Columbine.” I paused, then told her, “Well, we’ll just have to agree to disagree.” She looked a little uncomfortable, because she knows that I regularly carry a gun so obviously our children see them.
I think the school is handling this in the absolute wrong way. If you try to deny a child knowledge about something, you turn it into something dark, mysterious, and (therefore) INFINITELY FASCINATING, especially to the pre-pubescent mind. I say better to let them draw about them, talk about them, play-fight with toy ones, and (hang onto your panties, folks), shoot real ones, under controlled circumstances with direct adult supervision. Let them get it out of their systems, and learn to safely handle them so that when they get ahold of them (happens allllllll the time with careless parents) they aren’t completely stupid about them.
It was only a matter of time before the next terrorist attack in the US. Everybody knew that, and now it looks like it’s closer than we thought.
Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for “balance” by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues.
Today marks nine six years of wedded bliss for Harvey and his beloved bride, Smiling Dynamite.
May the love you feel for one another continue to grow and deepen, may
you forever find hope and promise in one another’s company, and may you
always find passion and fulfillment in one another’s arms.
I continue to feel awful (though it’s led to lots of blogging, no?) and Mike was trying to brighten my day.
Mike: Oh common…cheer up. Happy happy. I will have to do the Care Bear stare at you soon.
Dana: I’m sick. Burning up.
Mike: I know…just trying to lighten the mood.
Dana: I think my sense of humor burnt up on re-entry.
…Gifted!
I love this picture. Love it enough I’m not going to hide it in the extended entry, even. :)
In the extended entry is a layout I did of my youngest two. Usual cuteness caveats apply. ;)
It never ceases to amaze me how some people can be so completely self-absorbed, and yet possess so little self-worth. Boggles the mind, it does.
This time the questions are for a friend of mine that I actually know, Mo of Mo’s Musings. This is going to be fun!
1. When did you start ballroom dancing, and what was the biggest challenge in doing so?
2.
Who has the World’s Best Chocolate? (Full disclosure: I’m kind of
baiting her here, because she possesses knowledge that simply should
not be kept secret from the wider world.)
3. What is the wildest hairstyle you’ve ever had? Did you regret it?
4. Describe your dream weekend which does not include children or spouses.
5. I know you worked in a medical lab in the past. Tell about an
incident that would surprise laypeople (of course without disclosing
any confidential information).
Now just post your answers to your blog, and I’ll update this post with a link to it. Don’t forget to post the rules, and solicit five other people to be interviewed. Thanks for playing!
Update: Mo’s answers are up! And I must completely agree with her answer on #2. Yummy!
I feel awful. I have this awful sore throat/head cold thing. Lots of congestion, fatigue, occasional nausea. I woke up Monday with the sore throat. It was mild, but still I canceled my apheresis appointment. Yesterday it was much worse, and I had to cancel a crop (scrapbooking event) I was scheduled to attend at a friend’s house, which really bummed me out. Tody is no better, and maybe a little worse. I’m tired, tired, tired, and I just crawled my sorry ass out of bed!
Hope your day is going better.
Sorry it took me awhile to get back around to this. Life has a way of intruding on my Net existence at the most inconvenient times. :) Today’s interviewee is Amy of Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice.
1.
You homeschool three kids. THAT RULES!! Wait.. that’s not really a
question, is it? OK… hmm… what do you like best about homeschooling?
2. Isn’t it so much more fun to shop for house stuff than to shop for clothes? Feel free to elaborate.
3. Did you ever think of taking your weird squirrel
on Late Night with David Letterman? He has a whole stupid pet tricks
section, you know (or did, last time I watched it). Squirrels in my
neck of the woods never do anything cool like that; they just tunnel
under the horse pastures and lay traps for unsuspecting horses to break
their legs in.
4. Have you always been a poet, or is it a recently-developed skill?
5. What one invention do you think the world would be best off without?
Now just post your answers to your blog, and I’ll update this post with a link to it. Don’t forget to post the rules, and solicit five other people to be interviewed. Thanks for playing!
Update: Amy’s on the ball! She’s already got her answers posted, and is soliciting interviewees of her own. Great answers, Amy, and I would’ve commented, but that whole “you need an AOL username” thing is just way too much work for a “LOL!” ;)
If only my last manager had mastered this lesson, I might’ve stayed in the workforce instead of branching out and starting my own business!
[…]
Aw, who’re we kidding? I would’ve moved heaven and earth to be with SexyHusband, so quitting a crappy, unfulfilling job wasn’t even a choice.
In the event that my termination becomes necessary/desirable/so intoxicatingly attractive that she can think about little else, my wife is authorized to employ any means of disposal that does not cause me pain for a period of longer than 0.00000000000000000001 seconds.
If I’m coming up the stairs and music by Christina Aguilera is on the radio, it makes me walk with a little twitch in my ass.
I’m just sayin’.
I recently joined a Yahoo! Group whose members send each other chocolate every month. I mean, sure, you could just go out and BUY your own chocolate, but what fun would that be? Also, swapping with others around the continent means you might get to try something new that isn’t available in your area. I like this group, and it needs more members. So, if you’re interested in joining, give it a look!
So the Illinois governor (one of Mike’s favorite people - NOT!) has passed an imperial decree that all pharmacies must carry birth control pills, and must fill all birth control prescriptions “quickly.”
No delays. No hassles. No lectures.
Now, granted: I don’t think pharmacists ought to be in the business of moral lecturing, but isn’t that something the market would work out? And speaking of markets, I’m hard-pressed to think of any other retail business that is not allowed to choose its own stock. If I go to the doctor with a sore throat, and he recommends I drink lots of ginger ale*, should I be able to walk into any grocery store and demand they have my brand of ginger ale in stock, or I’ll sue their asses? What if ginger ale sells so poorly that it’s not economically sensible for a particular store to carry it?
* Yes, ginger ale is an extreme, somewhat silly analogy, but I’m trying to illustrate the folly of the esteemed governor’s position in trying to make governmental authority take the place of natural market forces.
To the nosy old bitch at the Wal-Mart who saw fit to butt her nosy ass into my family’s personal business: you said you have children of your own, so I suggest you spend your time giving them unwanted and unneeded advice and save me from the ill-informed, self-righteous lectures, mm-kay?