Watching shows like Discovery Health Channel's Special Delivery makes me realize how lucky I am to continue to have healthy, relatively uncomplicated deliveries. There are families out there who go through some seriously bad shit. I am blessed.
But that doesn't mean I don't have my own challenges to face. Today, it's a "really bad" (to quote the doctor) yeast infection. He prescribed Diflucan to "kill the yeast fire" (I feel like California), then I get to take a 7-day course of Monistat. It's unpleasant and uncomfortable and not exactly what I'd WANT to have happen, but still... between this and, say, placenta previa.. I'll take it.
This is my youngest son, Thomas, and my best friend's (from when we were 4 years old) daughter, Megan.
Everybody knows how much I looooove (heavy sarcasm) Dora the Explorer. I mean, really, how can you NOT love a children's show with such wonderful songs as, "I'm the map! I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map!" But my children are all completely enamored of her. I say "all" because even Thomas is crazy about her. He recently learned to say "nana" (for banana), and the very next day, Dora had a banana grove as one of her destinations. Dora the Explorer is BIG on repetition, so they must have said the word "banana" at least 15 million times. Each time they said it, Thomas said it.
Today's show was about how Dora got her backpack. So the word "backpack" got repeated ad nauseum. Guess what words Thomas learned? "Backpack" and "Dora." I know what the generation of Barney moms felt like. Hey, at least it's not Oobi.
Preg-head has set in. For those who don't know, when you get pregnant, you get stupid. That is, you get forgetful, your attention span is shortened, and you just aren't as witty or clever as you normally are. There are those who discount the phenomenon of Preg-head. Fuck them.
It gets worse as the pregnancy progresses. I am forever forgetting common words (things like "fire drill" and "chicken"), losing my train of thought, repeating myself, etc. Whenever this happens, Mike will usually point it out. "Did you mean to say, 'Eat your fork'?" When I'm called on it, I just sigh, and say, "Did you know I'm pregnant?" That's my catch phrase for, "Yeah, yeah... blame it on the baby. Dammit."
On days like today, I wish my vacuum cleaner had a "nasal and sinus cavities" attachments. Sinus pressure suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.
OMG, y'all. What was up, y'all, is now down. I once again caught the Jerry Springer radio show on Air America. Apparently, his program is some kind of media-commentary thing. He was commenting on the Bush speech given in Louisiana, at night, after Hurrican Katrina. You remember that speech - the backdrop was all lit up? I kid you not... Jerry Springer called that speech "tacky."
Jerry Spring.
Called a speech "tacky."
...
Let he who is without a history of having the MOST classless television program in the HISTORY of TV cast the first stone.
Not only that, but he has got the be THE least effective radio host, ever. He seems almost incapable of completing a thought or a sentence. His poor guests are forever prompting him, finishing his sentences/thoughts, and otherwise picking up his slack. It's just sad.
I was at an all-day crop yesterday. I wore one of my biggest pair of non-maternity jeans, and STILL spent all day buttoning/unbuttoning when I got up and sat down, rearranging the crop area, and otherwise fighting my clothing. I fear, friends and neighbors, that it is time to slip into the maternity clothes for the long haul. Which probably means I'm going to have to shell out more for maternity pants, since I have only two pair. MUST they gouge women so badly who are both tall AND pregnant? I mean, I know it's *some* extra fabric, but not THAT much, for heaven's sake!
It's 5PM and we JUST got home. We were late getting to our doctor's appointment, so we were late getting out, yadda yadda yadda. Anyway, I won't draw this out: we don't know conclusively what the baby is. Both the doctor and I *thought* we saw... something. But neither of us is 100% (or even 80%) sure. So... another month, we'll have another ultrasound. *sigh*
I did get some super-cute ultrasound pictures, though.
First, the big ol' head:
Spine
Foot
Face
Close-up of Face
So... better luck next time. :/
Update: Otherwise, everything's fine. Blood pressure was 124/66, weight was up a pound and a half. Nothing remarkable.
This time, the challenge was to scraplift this layout. Below is the result.
OK, so it's probably going to take more than 2 days to do the basecoat painting. OF COURSE. If I were a NORMAL human being, with a NORMAL body, I could easily do this job in 2 days. But NOOOOOOO. I'm NOT a normal person. I'm a PREGNANT person, with LOOSE JOINTS, and a BAD BACK, and DIZZY SPELLS. And after only one coat of primer on the four walls - nothing yet in the closet or the ceiling - I'm already having back pains and have to stop for the day.
This is so frustrating!!!! I want this job OVER AND DONE WITH. I know exactly what needs to be done, and in what order, but I can't get my damned body to cooperate! It's so, very, utterly NOT FAIR.
Ugh.
OB appointement tomorrow, hopefully with a gender-identifying ultrasound. Maybe THAT would put me in a better mood. Bah.
I'm a pretty reflective person, I think. I'm often consumed with thoughts of things from my past - what went right, and (more often) what went wrong. In one sense, I have a lot of regrets - things that I now know were stupid actions/inactions on my part. On the other hand, I know that if I changed any one thing about my past, I wouldn't have the wonderful present and future that I do right now. Still doesn't stop me from mentally kicking myself in the ass from time to time, though. ;)
So last night - on the long, boring drive home from Spokane - I decided I'd turn it around. I thought about what was the single decision I'm most glad I DIDN'T fuck up? Aside from the obvious, of course - taking the leap into love and marriage with SexyHusband.
When I was fifteen, I was dumped by a guy named Michael. He worked (still works, in fact) with my mom. He was a couple years older than me, a few rungs up the economic ladder, and a bit of a snob. Still, I was attracted to him, because a) he had a new truck (Hey! I was 15!); b) he was taller than me; c) he had disposable income and could take me places; and d) he had a cocky self-assurance that I've always been attracted to. We dated for a couple of months, then he dumped me. Unceremoniously. I felt VERY bad about myself, and did the usual teenage-girl-thing of wondering if I wasn't good/smart/pretty/sexy/whatever enough.
Shortly after that, Ronnie came into the picture. He had graduated from Spruce High School the year before I transferred there. I was introduced by a mutual friend. Ronnie, like Michael, was a couple of years older, tall, blonde, and gainfully employed. In fact, he was a self-employed general contractor. The first day we met, he took me out for an early dinner, then over to the mall. He strolled into Gordon's Jewelry Store, and told me I had to pick something. I protested, saying I had just met him, and he didn't have to buy me anything. We went back and forth like that for awhile, until he finally told me that if *I* didn't pick something, *he* would. And it wouldn't be cheap. So I settled on the second-cheapest thing in the store, a little gold ring with a heart shape on it, and a little diamond chip.
That was the beginning of months of senseless extravagance (and Ronnie's slavery to debt). Over the course of about nine months, he bought me a ton of jewelry - blue topaz earrings, ruby necklace and earrings, gold earrings, and plenty more. His Christmas presents to me were a diamond tennis bracelet, and a waterbed. He picked me up every night after work or the game (I played volleyball and basketball), and took me to get something to eat. I thought at the time that he was rich - now I know he was just buying on time. It got to the point that I knew all I had to do was express an interest in something - either to him or to my mom - and he would get the hint and get it for me. It was thrilling, at 16.
The "good decision" part came after he took a job at an apartment complex, as the head maintenance man. He finally moved out of his parent's place, and had an apartment of his own - a two-bedroom. I started spending more and more time there, and we even referred to the spare bedroom as "the baby's room." He finally worked up to asking me to marry him and move in with him. It was tempting - my mom had remarried the asshole ex-husband, and I really wanted to get away from him. But I was surrounded by dozens of women and girls I'd grown up with who'd made that choice, and were now saddled with kids, a husband, and no high school diploma. He swore I'd finish school - even promised my mother I would - but finally I told him no - we'd wait until I had graduated.
A few weeks after that, I came to his apartment with my nephew for a visit. Ronnie had this odd habit of extemporaneously writing his thoughts down on yellow legal pads, then leaving them right out in the open. His brother was there, along with his best friend's wife and new baby. Everybody seemed nervous, and I was too naive to know why. Then I looked at the yellow legal pad. It read, "What am I supposed to do? I love her, but she's my best friend's wife."
That's as far as I got before I completely blew up. I started cussing him right in front of my baby (he was 2) nephew, calling him every name I could think of. His brother - who always hated me - was laughing, enjoying my fury. The girl sat there clutching her baby in front of her, using it as a shield against... who knew what? I finally snatched my nephew up and stormed out.
A couple of months later, I saw them. I was working at a grocery store, and the three of them (Ronnie, the girl, and the baby) came in to buy formula and diapers. They all looked like hell. God is good.
Most of the news I get comes from CNN and Fox News - website and satellite radio, respectively. Occasionally, I decide to take a spin through the dial to see what some of the other stations and programs have going on. Some are entertaining, some are informative, some are just downright stupid.
Today, I flipped over to Air America (my absolute least favorite radio station, period). I heard a new host - one I hadn't seen in their programming lineup before. Apparently, as an answer to the integrity of personalities like Fox's Geraldo Rivera, they've added...
... wait for it...
...
... Jerry Springer.
This was a challenge to use green as the focus for a layout. I chose to do a photo-free (I had none) layout of the clippings and thank you card related to the charity crop I had for Vicki's family. I miss her. :(
Just did this layout as a challenge for one of the lists I'm on. The pictures are from December 2004, when I took Thomas to Texas. It was our last night there, and we had dinner at Olive Garden with my sister. Poor Thomas, he was teething BAD and finally resorted to chewing on the table!
Nope, this isn't a book review of a Care-a-Lot book. :) I did post a book review, though, if that's your "thing." On a related note, henceforward the baby I am carrying will be known as "Tummybug." :)
I've been trying to focus more time and attention on redecorating Kayla's room. She decided she wanted the room to look like Care-A-Lot, where all the Care Bears live. So first step was to take down all of the awful, fake wood paneling. That job is done, and beneath it is a patchwork of some kind of composite wood stuff, with some pieces of drywall (installed with the wrong side facing out) interspersed over the areas where structural changes were made.
To do this job right, I would take down all that crap, install new insulation and drywall, then do the mudding, painting, and mural. But I'm already 18 1/2 weeks pregnant, and haven't the time or energy for that. So for now, I'm just patching the walls as best I can, then I'll try to use elements of the mural and pieces of furniture to hide the worst areas. Then in a few years, when she outgrows Care Bears, I'll do it right. Then plan is to use today to finish all of the mudding and taping (a very messy - but satisfying - job), then tomorrow to pull out the old carpet and pad. Monday, I'll drive up to Spokane (Margi, wanna have lunch?) to get my oil changed and purchase new paint and primer.
Kayla REALLY needs to have her own room. She needs a place she can escape from her brothers, and a place to store all the toys she isn't ready or willing to share. The rule in our home is that if a toy is in the "common" area, then it has to be shared with all of the children. Kayla is starting to have special toys she doesn't want to share, or things she wants to do (like coloring) without interference from Thomas, but she doesn't yet have an area of her own to do that. So I'm doing my best to remedy that.
The good news is that after the taping, the rest of the job should go relatively quickly. I think I can prime and paint in a couple of days. The mural will take the longest - probably a week or two. Then there's just floor sealing, carpet installation, trim, and little touches like outlet covers then she can move in.
The wild card is the window. She has one window that really should be replaced. That's a job I've never done before, but I think I'm going to have to figure it out. That's another thing I'll be looking for at Home Depot on Monday, since I should do that before the painting.
I saw the dentist. He agreed the tooth (all my wisdom teeth, in fact, but especially a particular one) should come out, but he won't do a wisdom tooth extraction without an X-ray. There's no way I'm going to have an X-ray during my second trimester, so he suggested we just "baby it along" until the baby is born. Then I'll likely have all four removed at once, while Mike sits in the waiting room with the newborn praying it doesn't wake up hungry. :)
So, immediate crisis averted, but this poses new challenges. Now I not only am trying to eat lower-sodium, but I have to avoid anything that is too hard, crunchy, or chewy. Joy. There's always grits, right?
I have a dentist appointment today, possibly to extract a tooth. I HAAAAAAAAAAAATE going to the dentist. :(
I love scrapbooking, and I love looking at all kinds of layouts. Even those whose subject or style I will never use. But ya know... I really have to draw the line at layouts of stillborn births. I'm sure they bring comfort and healing to the parents, but right now... s'just not prudent.
We have to start thinking of America as a family. We have to stop screeching at each other, stop hurting each other, and instead start caring for, sacrificing for, and sharing with each other. We have to stop constantly criticizing, which is the way of the malcontent, and instead get back to the can-do attitude that made America. We have to keep trying, and risk failing, in order to solve this country's problems. We cannot move forward if cynics and critics swoop down and pick apart anything that goes wrong to a point where we lose sight of what is right, decent, and uniquely good about America.
This is a quote from Colin Powell, in his autobiography My American Journey. For a review, check out my Book Reviews.
Another not-new layout.
This was the result of a challenge issued to copy a layout. I really like this one.
This was made as the result of a challenge from one of the YahooGroups I'm on.
I normally don't go in for this kind of thing, but this one genuinely made me laugh out loud. Just bear in mind - no offense is intended. :)
WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY
There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses!
I thought the results were pretty interesting:
85% of women think their ass is too fat...
10% of women think their ass is too skinny...The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.
This isn't a new layout, but since I was scanning it anyway, I thought I'd share. It turned into a four-page layout, and this is page one.
Another layout I did tonight, as part of a challenge. I'm not sure I'm crazy about the results, but still - it's done!
This is a layout I did at the overnight crop in Pullman that I went to last month with my friend Erica. I love this picture, of Kayla playing dressup with her sequined top and feather boa. Diva!
Obviously I still haven't mastered that "feathering" splice thing in Paint Shop Pro. Bah!
It always happens overnight, like a pimple erupting. One day, it's not there. Then suddenly, without any advance warning, it is. The Belly.
I started showing today. I say "today" because although we went into town yesterday to run errands, and I was wearing much the same thing as I was today, nobody made a comment. A couple of people who already knew that I was pregnant asked how I was feeling. I told someone yesterday who hadn't known I was pregnant about our impending addition, and they seemed appropriately surprised.
But tonight, at the Mexican restaurant, the very sweet checkout lady asked whether "the baby" was a boy or a girl. I was only accompanied by Adam and Kayla, and she gestured at my tummy. I hadn't spoken a word about being pregnant at dinner, and I didn't know this woman well enough for her to have heard through the grapevine. So she could just tell by looking at me.
So that's it. I've "popped." I haven't gained any weight, overall. My clothes still fit reasonably well, though I sometimes unbutton my jeans if I'm sitting down for awhile. I haven't gone anywhere near my pregnancy clothes - not that I have any appropriate for the approaching cooler weather - but apparently I now have enough of a distinct pooch for people to just know.
*sigh*
Reba is - and has been for twenty years - the best story-teller in country music, maybe in ALL music. That twangy voice of hers just pulls at your heart strings. Her latest single - You're Gonna Be - speaks directly to me (and, I suspect, to many others). Lyrics below. Warning, Margi - this one will bring on the waterworks. Get a tissue first.
No, really. Go get one. I'll wait. ;)
You're Gonna Be
by Reba McEntire
6lbs and 9oz. lookin' up at me
Like I have all the answers
I hope I have the ones you need
I've never really done this, now I know what scared is
Sometimes I'll protect you from everything that's wrong
Other times I'll let you just find out on your own
But that's when you'll be growin',
And the whole time I'll be knowin
CHORUS:
You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
You're gonna cry, but know that that's okay
Sometimes life's not fair, but if you hang in there
You're gonna see that sometimes bad is good
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You're gonna be
I'm afraid you'll have to suffer through
some of my mistakes
Lord knows I'll be trying to give you what it takes
What it takes to know the difference
Between getting by and livin'
‘Cause anything worth doing is worth doing all the way
Just know you'll have to live with all
the choices that you make
So make sure you're always givin' way
more than you're takin'
REPEAT CHORUS
Someone's everything
You're gonna see
Just what you are to me
You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You're gonna be
Always loved by me
Woof. Well, the massive job of more or less manually moving over all the archives from over two years of blogging is now completed. Unfortunately, all comments are lost - I just can't take the time to manually insert those as well. There are also a few other changes - things that were in extended entries now aren't. Some photos and links were lost, and most of the older intra-blog references became inaccurate almost a year ago, when I switched to WordPress.
Hopefully, having the blog/journal here, more directly under my control, will make maintenance easier. We're using a home-rolled comment system and can tweak that a little as time goes by, to exclude comments when necessary. I still have some work to do on the stylesheet to make the blog a little prettier, and may eventually go through and make the merged "2frogs" and "Note-It Posts" entries look a little more coherent, but that's a very, very low priority right now.
What struck me most in bringing over my archives - especially those from a year or more ago - was this: HOW IN THE HELL did I used to have that much time for blogging??? There is no way I could maintain that level of posting now. Between homeschooling two kids almost every day, having three children instead of two, and having added another business, practically all of my time is spoken for. I don't regret it (much), but this is definitely a different place than it was in, say, October 2003.
Thank you to those who have changed their links to this new site. Now I'm off to go change the DNS record so all traffic to the noteitposts.com domain will come here.
Sorry about the problems with the commenting system. I made an elementary programming error, and failed to test. Everything *should* be working now.
And death to the Brazilian assholes who hijacked my template again at the old site. I'll be changing my DNS just as soon as I get the archives all moved over.
Chief Justice William Rehnquist has died of thyroid cancer. I am not a Supreme Court scholar, so I am not the one best suited to write a tribute (or not) to the man's legacy; I will leave that to others. I simply hope for peace and healing for his family.
With that said, be prepared for the hysteria from the Democratic Underground/Air America/MoveOn.org folks to be ratcheted up even more. Because now, it is up to a sitting, conservative, Christian, Republican president to nominate the Supreme Court's Chief Justice. More "the sky is falling!" paranoia is on the horizon, as the Left's pet issue - abortion "rights" - may be in real jeopardy. Finally.
I know I've been keeping notably quiet about Katrina and the people stranded in the gulf coastal area. In part, that's because I've been really busy trying to focus on making my new business a success, but mostly it's just... what can you say?
I wish that we were in better financial shape to be able to offer more help.
I wish that we were close enough to offer our home to some of those heartbreaking families on the news.
I wish Jesse Jackson, Randall Robinson, and the other usual suspects would stop turning this into a racial issue.
I wish the people of New Orleans, Biloxi, and other coastal towns had heeded the mandatory evacuation notices and gotten out.
I wish the federal government had provided more help, sooner.
I wish the mayor of New Orleans and the governor of Louisiana had asked for help sooner.
But most of all, I wish those babies had milk. And diapers. And a roof. And a bed to sleep in at night. And both of their parents with them. It is the babies that break my heart the most, because they are the ones that are most truly without a voice, without any means of self-preservation, without any choice. They are the ones most vulnerable.
The ripple effects of this disaster are going to be truly staggering. I can't even bear to think of it for very long, because of its enormity. Rising gas prices are only the first baby step. Think about doubled food prices because of a combination of supply and transport issues. Think about millions of people both homeless AND jobless. Think about the strain on school systems in the towns and cities accepting refugees. Think of how many people will freeze to death this winter because they can't (or won't) pay the huge heating costs that we WILL face. Think of the psychological damage done to so many people - especially children - from seeing scores of dead bodies baking in the sun.
Every day, new ripples emerge. The problem is just too damned big! Honestly, and with no offense to victims of 9/11, Oklahoma City, and other terrorist attacks, but I truly believe that this is the single greatest tragedy that my generation will ever see, and certainly the greatest we have seen to date. Just as the economy was bouncing back, and jobless rates were beginning to pick up, and investment was growing, this happens. Inflation (led by rising gas prices), unemployment, homelessness, strain on social and military services - all these things point to a potentially disastrous winter. And God forbid we suffer a major terrorist attack right now!
Could we see another Great Depression? Quite possibly. Certainly it looks like all signs point to another major recession. And just like 9/11 (a major, far-reaching event beyond any government's control), this natural disaster is being blamed on the Bush administration by party politicians and those hacks over at Air America. As if Bush himself should have stood in the Gulf and waved Katrina away.
I am very grateful that I am not involved in emergency management, because I would not know where to begin. I feel selfish that I am focusing on work now, rather than organizing and conducting charity auctions like I did after 9/11, and for troops in Afghanistan, and to raise money for Iraqi children to have toys to play with. I feel disloyal and heartless.
But the truth of the matter is, until a man has his own house in order, he cannot reach out to others. And so that's what I'm trying to do now - trying to get my own house in order, improve my own financial picture, to put me in a position to be of more help the next time there's a disaster.
