I got this tonight from my niece. I got quite a chuckle out of it.
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
Life is super busy right now, so... highlights:
"Mama, if you were the first Dragon Master, you would be able to communicate with the Griffins, thereby understanding their needs!" - Adam, age 6
What, did you know how to use the word "thereby" appropriately when you were six? I damn sure didn't!
(This concludes another Mommy Brag Session, brought to you today by the coefficient of N, and the letter Mu.)
Why, I'm glad you asked!
Starting Monday, I will be "attending" (via internet course) Spokane Community College. I'm taking Graphic Design for the Web. I'm so excited! Will be interesting to see how well I juggle this, and kids, and business, and ... well, you get the idea. But I'm so hyped about this!! I've been sort of secretly wanting to go back to school for years. Finishing my degree isn't really my prime objective at this point - I want to take classes that will help me in my business, and maybe eventually take classes purely for fun. That's allowed, right?
You know how people always tell you that you have to accept people for what they are? That you can't change them? Well, that's crap. People do change, and that change is influenced by the people around them. Think about it - weren't you changed by some of the relationships you've held? I know I have. And I know I've influenced people in my life, too.
An example: when I met him online, Mike was a confirmed non-breeder. The man was simply NOT going to have children. Period. Now we have four. Now he is a father, and really good at it.
Some changes are big, and some are small. Some people are more "moldable" than others. But people absolutely do influence each other. That isn't to say I think girls should go into a relationship with some big asshole and expect to turn him into a prince. But can you encourage him to put the toilet seat down or enjoy the rodeo? Sure. Maybe.
I have been changed dramatically by almost every serious relationship I've ever had with a man (or boy-man). Perhaps too much. I once had a boyfriend, Kyle, who left me a birthday card on my front door months after we broke up, that told me he had broken up with me because I was too much of a chameleon - I acted like whoever I was with. That note stuck with me, and for the second half of my life, I've been trying to figure out if my tendency to be a chameleon is a good thing or a bad thing. Am I striking the right balance between putting others at ease, and remaining true to myself?
My first husband - to whom I was married (Islamically, then legally) for five and a half years - was a devout Arab Muslim. He was a student during the entire course of our marriage. Being his wife changed me, making me:
I was already beginning to "shed my skin," so to speak, when I met Mike. I was still married, but was trying to find my way out. Friendship with Mike (and that's all it was, at the time) gave me courage to finally leave, and sustained me in those first few awful, hard weeks. Of course, eventually, it became more.
Being Mike's wife has changed me, too. It's made me:
I still have a long way to go to figure out who I am at the core, without a man's influence. Maybe that's what my 30's are for?
There are times in life when you gotta crawl,
Lose your grip, trip an' fall
When you can't lean on no one else:
That's when you find yourself.
I've been around an' I've noticed that
Walkin's easy when the road is flat
Them danged ol' hills'll get you every time.
Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb.
"Mountains" by Lonestar
So, let me get this straight... a teacher can be considered highly qualified according to standards that include "job evaluations, teaching awards or service on school committees", and some people are concerned about the level of education our children will receive when home-schooled?
Adam: Kayla, how can you tell if a dolphin is a Daddy dolphin or a Mommy dolphin?
Kayla: Well, Daddies are a little bit short.
Yaknow, I'm really loving this as a "don't fuck with me" song. Probably helps that Carrie Underwood reminds me a LOT of my niece, Candice.
Before He Cheats
Carrie Underwood
Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleached-blond tramp, and she's probably getting frisky.
Right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey.
Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick, showing her how to shoot a combo.
And he don't know
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4-wheel drive,
Carved my name into his leather seat.
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
Right now, she's probably up singing some white-trash version of Shania karaoke.
Right now, she's probably saying, "I'm drunk" and he's a-thinkin' that he's gonna get lucky.
Right now, he's probably dabbin' on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom Polo
Oh, and he don't know
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,
Carved my name into his leather seat.
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
I slashed a hole in all 4 tires
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
I mighta saved a little trouble for the next girl,
Cause the next time that he cheats
Oh, you know it won't be on me.
Nooo, not on me.
Cause I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,
Carved my name into his leather seat.
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
Oh, maybe next time he'll think
Before he cheats.
Ohh, before he cheats.
So I signed up at MySpace. A friend prompted me to do it, after he found a third, mutual friend there, and I wanted to see said friend's profile, and I had to be a member for that. Since then, I've re-met several people I went to school with, and several that I dated.
To be honest, the whole thing makes me sad. Most people (probably me, included) aren't who they once were. They don't look the same, the jobs they hold now aren't what they expected at 18 that they'd have, their interests aren't the same. At least two are born-again Christians. I'm not sad for these people, mind you - by and large they seem to be happy and successful and well-adjusted, and really, who can ask for more than that?
But I'm sad because I find I miss them. I didn't keep close to anyone after graduation, except my very oldest friend in the world (and even we aren't as close as I'd like), so all of this new stuff comes as quite a shock. They've changed. In good ways, mostly, but change is still change. And I didn't see it happen gradually, so these people are all completely new. It's like meeting a stranger. And it's as if those teenagers I knew - every last one of them - has died. It's all very surreal, and leaves me with the feeling that maybe high school didn't really happen at all.
Sometimes, a meme will circulate among the people I once knew, asking for their memories from that time, almost 15 years ago. I'm shocked and amazed at the things people remember, and the things they don't. Your focus as a teen is so narrow, and so self-centered, that you forget people go through things you don't. Their perspective is different. Their memories are different. And here's the kicker: you were not as important to them as you thought you were. All perfectly normal, but still... sad.
One thing that strikes me is that it's unlikely I'll ever be as close to anyone (except my husband and kids) as I was to those long-ago kids. At what other time in your life do you spend 8-10 hours a day with a group of people, plus hanging out on weekends and in the evenings? Nowadays, I'm lucky to see friends an hour a month! There's email, sure, but it's not the same. I guess the overriding emotion MySpace has left me with is... loneliness.
Kinda surprising for a mother of four, eh? :)
Thomas: I want some more TV, Mommy.
Mommy: You would watch TV until the cows came home, if I let you.
Thomas: No, I don't like cows, Mommy.
Kayla: OK, Thomas, I'm going to get da tewwaphone!
Thomas: OK, but be cayehful! You want to get no hurt!
